oh look it’s the leader of the free world breaking the cardinal rule of chipotle
"I barely find anybody attractive. I barely feel an affection for anybody.. But when I do.. I fall in so deep, so hard it’s ridiculous."
Bayron Ortiz (via stevenbong)
Okay, so my experiences of love an heartbreak have me thinking of something that I need to share because I’m sick of thinking about it and could use some helpful advice.
I’ve been a relationship kind of person. Never really been into hook-ups because I’m a southern sweetheart and I have feelings too. But recently, after getting out of my year-long relationship, I’ve started thinking about myself. As in thinking am I really a relationship person or am I just scared of being single?
So while being single for almost two months, I began to find myself and really start thinking of me. Me as in making myself happy first and rationalizing if I’m a good person or a person that is wanting the far-fetched.
When my break-up happened, I started to head towards “am I happy?” and “Should I try to get him back?” stage of a breakup. Then I started to look out for the “rebound” that I soon dropped because I”m better than that and they deserve a equal shot as a person and not just a rebound for me.
So being single has its ups and downs. Now I can look at other “gay” guys and talk around with people; not in a slutty thot kind of way, but making friends. I’m not going to lie, I’ve had crushes during my relationship but crushes are okay if that’s all they are going to be. Like someone crushing on a celebrity. But being single, I can have these “crushes” and actually do something about it now. I can now message them and actually plan to go out with them. Has it worked yet? NOPE but I’m still trying.
It has come to my realization that being in college and single isn’t all that bad. It’s the time where someone can actually identify themselves and to have experiences without regrets. A relationship in college is not bad, but knowing the distances and just having fun is something that all relationships need to understand in college. It’s the most stressed out fun of your life.
My ex told me that I’ve changed since college and I have to agree to that. I have changed but I don’t call it a bad change. You see, in high school in Eastern Kentucky, I was shy and quiet that always followed rules and planned everything accordingly. It followed me to my Fall semester my first year but quickly vanished once I started to make new friends and push my envelope. I’ve become free! No more hiding myself and it’s time to let my guard down and learn to just be myself. No more of masking myself and to actually color my mask to match my personality so everyone can see me as me.
So my rambling has come to an end.
Marshall Houston :)